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The
Urban Dharma Newsletter...
February 10, 2004
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In
This Issue: Buddhist Weddings
1.
A Chinese Buddhist Wedding
2. A Sri Lankan Buddhist Wedding
3. A Buddhist Wedding Ceremony
4. Buddhist Weddings
5. Setting Up Your Buddhist Home
6. Temple/Center/Website: Our Buddhist Wedding - Japan
- Photo Album, Our Buddhist Wedding - Thailand - Photo Album
7. Book/CD/Movie: It's Easier Than
You Think ...by Sylvia Boorstein
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1.
A Chinese Buddhist Wedding
http://www.carltontv.co.uk/data/weddings/series2/chinese.html
WHO
ARE THEY? Lai-Quin ('Queenie') and Michael
WHERE
DID THEY LIVE BEFORE THE WEDDING? They had a civil marriage
ceremony so that they could live together at Michael's parents'
home without anyone in their community thinking badly of them.
However, they are not regarded as properly married until their
Buddhist wedding.
CHOOSING
THE DAY Traditionally a fortune teller used to pick a lucky
wedding day. For Queenie and Michael it is Michael's mother
who chooses a good day for them to marry.
THE
PARTY This takes place the day before the wedding. It involves
family, friends, games, music and food - but not the bride-to-be.
Traditionally, she can't see Michael before the wedding day.
GIFTS
AND CEREMONIES A roast pig is brought as a gift for Queenie's
parents. According to tradition, they cut the pig into three
and keep the middle part. The rest is sent back, with fruits
in the middle, for Michael's family. After cutting the pig they
have a tea ceremony, in which the couple serves tea to the elders
of the family and receives a 'red packet' in return, containing
money or jewellery. The couple also say prayers and receive
blessings. The tea ceremony is repeated at Michael's house.
THE
WEDDING DAY Early in the morning, the groom and the groomsmen
decorate the car and drive over to where Queenie is staying
at her sister's house. At the door, Queenie's friends have prepared
a lot of tricky questions for the groom to answer, and tests
for him to undergo, to prove his worthiness to marry her. The
last test is a financial test: the groom pays the bridesmaids
some 'red packets' (full of good fortune). Only then are Michael
and the groomsmen allowed into the house.
THE
CEREMONY At Michael's house, prayers are said and offerings
made to his ancestors at a small altar and to the Gods outside
in the garden. Then the couple kneel before their parents and
serve them tea. It's this tea ceremony that is the single most
important part of the proceedings. Without it, Michael and Queenie
would not be married in Chinese eyes. Then the relatives and
friends take it in turns to give them their blessing and good
wishes.
THE
BRIDAL BED Michael's bed is prepared for the marriage, with
brand-new bed linen. According to tradition, this is done by
someone who has many children - especially boys. After it has
been made up, no one can sleep in it until Michael and Queenie
on the wedding night - so Michael sleeps on the sofa!
Following
the ceremony, Queenie and Michael go up to the bedroom and stand
on either side of the bed. Between them a little boy jumps up
and down on the bed. This is done because they believe it to
be lucky and it will bring them a lot of children. It is always
a little boy because in the Asian culture boys are considered
'more useful'.
Queenie
and Michael are officially husband and wife.
WHAT
COMES NEXT? Three days after the wedding, the bride is expected
to return to her family. She brings gifts for the family and,
traditionally, they return some gifts to Michael's family.
2.
A Sri Lankan Buddhist Wedding
http://www.manaali.com/buddhistwedmore.htm
Sri
Lankan Buddhist Weddings are influenced by the Hindu culture
which gives prominence to ‘Nekath’, the auspicious
times.
The
‘Nekatha' is derived from the horoscopes of the Bride
and the Groom which is created based on their dates and times
of birth.
Of
the many traditional events that take place during a Buddhist
wedding, the ‘Poruwa’ ceremony is the most important.
Therefore it is strictly guided by Nekath.
'Poruwa’
is a beautifully decorated wooden platform on which the traditional
Buddhist marriage ceremony takes place. Therefore this event
is called the ‘Poruwa Siritha' (Ceremony).
The
Poruwa Siritha (Poruwa Ceremony) appears to have existed in
Sri Lanka before the introduction of Buddhism in the 3rd Century
B.C.
Through
the ages, many innovations have been introduced to the Poruwa
Siritha. By and large, the men and women of present day society
realize the value of their heritage and are motivated to protect
and preserve something of their past for posterity.
The
Poruwa Siritha was as valid custom as a registered marriage
until the British introduced the registration of marriages by
Law in 1870. Today's Poruwa Ceremony has been influenced by
both upcountry and low country customs of Sri Lanka.
The
bridegroom and party assemble on the left of the Poruwa and
the bridal party on the right.
The
bride and groom enter the Poruwa leading with the right foot.
They greet each other with palms held together in the traditional
manner.
Shilpadhipathi
(master of ceremonies) presents a hand of betel leaves to the
couple, which they accept and hand back to him to be placed
on a height of the Poruwa.This symbolises the offering of betel
to gods.
The
bride's father places the right hand of the bride on that of
the groom as a symbolic gesture of handing over the bride to
the bridegroom.
The
groom's brother hands a tray to the groom with seven sheaves
of betel leaves with a coin placed in each. The groom holds
the tray while the bride takes one sheaf at a time and drops
it on the Poruwa. The groom repeats this process. This is a
custom carried out to remember seven generations of relatives
on each side.
The
groom's brother hands a tray to the groom with seven sheaves
of betel leaves with a coin placed in each. The groom holds
the tray while the bride takes one sheaf at a time and drops
it on the Poruwa. The groom repeats this process. This is a
custom carried out to remember seven generations of relatives
on each side.
The
bride's maternal uncle enters the Poruwa, ties the small fingers
of the bride and groom with a gold thread and then pours water
over the fingers. Water and earth being the eternal verities,
the water so poured and the earth on which it falls are intended
to be the lasting witnesses to the marriage. The uncle then
turns the couple clockwise, three times, on the Poruwa.
Next
the groom presents to his bride a white cloth which in turn
is presented to the bride's mother. This is an expression of
the groom's gratitude to his mother-in-law for bringing up his
bride.
Next,
the groom's mother will present the going away saree to the
groom. The groom hands it over to the bride and she in turn
gives it to her mother.
The
bride's mother will then present a plate of milk rice and kavum,
cooked with special ingredients befitting a marriage ceremony,
to the bride who feeds a piece of each to the bridegroom. The
bridegroom feeds the bride in return.
As
the newly weds step down from the Poruwa, helped by a couple
from the bridegroom's party, Shilpathipathi breaks a coconut
in two.
The
bridal couple lights a brass oil lamp to signify their resolve
to keep the home fires burning.
3.
A Buddhist Wedding Ceremony
http://www.clickwalla.com/article.php?cid=54&aid=73
Buddhist
wedding ceremonies are becoming increasingly popular in the
west, and are not just restricted to those who follow the faith.
WHEREAS
in many religions (both Asian and western), marriage is a sacrament
and an essential aspect of religious duty, marriage in Buddhism
is purely a secular affair. A Buddhist's decision to wed is
not affected by or intertwined with a desire to continue the
Buddhist faith. Marriage is considered a personal concern; there
are no religious directions on whether or not one should marry
or remain unwed. There is also no formal wedding service. This
does not, however, mean that Buddhist weddings do not have a
rich tradition. Throughout the subcontinent, Buddhist communities
have assembled creative wedding ceremonies out of Asian and
Buddhist rituals.
Pre-Wedding
Rituals
In
the cultural pervasion of religion that all Asia has experienced,
many Buddhist weddings are arranged. A wedding broker is normally
responsible for the match between bride and groom. He or she
will visit families of the area assessing their wealth, health,
social status and prospects. When visiting families, the wedding
broker can easily suggest a match for their child, having mentally
catalogued the available people of the area.
A
family will likely take the marriage broker's advice and pay
a preliminary visit to the family of the person suggested. The
parents of the two families will meet without the children to
assess each other's prospect, checking the informational intelligence
of the marriage broker. After several more visits, including
one with an astrologer, the couple to be wed will meet and hopefully
give the final okay to the wedding.
After
having agreed upon a dowry amount, the astrologer will decide
on a mutually auspicious date for the couple to wed. During
the pre-wedding days, the couple may choose to receive monks
in their new home. The monks will bless the house with holy
water and recite verses from the Tipitaka (Buddhist holy book).
As the monks complete their blessing, the groom's family will
offer them alms (gifts) to bring good luck to the marriage.
The
Wedding Ceremony
The
wedding day is begun at a local temple where the couple separately
asks for the blessings of Buddha. Both bride and groom are then
dressed in outfits traditional to their region.
At
the mutually auspicious astrologically designated wedding time,
the bride and groom are individually taken to the shrine room
of their local temple or a hall hired for the occasion. Here,
the couple sees each other for the first time on that day.
Spiritual
Buddhist wedding traditions don't necessarily require the presence
of monks or the use of a temple's shrine room. For these traditions,
the wedding location would be equipped with a shrine to Buddha
featuring candles, flowers, incense and a statue or image of
Buddha.
The
ceremony begins as the entire assembly recites the Vandana,
Tisarana and Pancasila readings. The couple then lights the
candles and incense sticks surrounding Buddha's image and offers
him the flowers within the shrine. Because of the secularity
of Buddhist weddings, there is no assigned set of marriage vows.
However, the bride and groom will recite their expected undertakings
using the Sigilovdda Sutta as a guide. The Sigiloydda Sutta
says:
"In
five ways should a wife, as Western quarter, be ministered to
by her husband: by respect, by courtesy, by faithfulness, by
handing over authority to her, by providing her with ornaments.
In these five ways does the wife minister to by her husband
as the Western quarter, love him: her duties are well-performed
by hospitality to kin of both, by faithfulness, by watching
over the goods he brings and by skill and industry in discharging
all business."
After
these vows are spoken, the bride and groom can exchange rings.
If monks are present, the marriage vows will be both preceded
and proceeded by their chanting.
After
the Wedding
Once
officially married, the couple receives their guests with the
huge feast and decorations prepared in the previous days to
the wedding.
4.
Buddhist Weddings
http://www.weddingguide.co.uk/articles/ceremonies/buddhist.asp
Introduction
There
are a number of different sections of Buddhism, and the beliefs
of each group vary slightly. In general, Buddhists believe in
life as a process of change, moving towards greater wisdom,
awareness and kindness. The mind is the decisive factor in the
changing of the self, and meditation is used to develop the
mind to a more positive state.
The
main concern to Buddhists is that there is suffering in the
world. There is no sense of a creator God in Buddhism. The Buddha
(a title, rather than a name, which means one who is awake to
reality) was a human being who transformed himself, through
enormous effort, to a state of profound Enlightenment.
Buddhists
follow Dharma, the teachings of the Buddha where there is suffering,
caused by wanting. This suffering can end completely by using
the Eightfold Path, which develops good understanding, thought
speech, action, work, effort, mindfulness and meditation. Buddhism
is an open religion that believes that all people are equal,
and welcomes those of any age, gender, nationality or background.
Legal
Requirements
A
couple can be married in the eyes of the law by having a Buddhist
ceremony as long as the person who conducts their ceremony is
registered to conduct weddings. If this is not the case, a civil
ceremony will also have to be held
The
legal requirements to be fulfilled are those that apply to civil
marriages. However, if the building in which the couple wish
to marry is in a different registration district to where they
live, the superintendent registrar needs proof that the building
is the couples normal place of worship. If this is not possible,
the couple are required to give notice in the registration district
in which the building is situated after having met the necessary
residency requirement.
If
there is no building in the couples registration district, they
will be permitted to marry in a building in the nearest registration
district that has one.
A
superintendent registrar may also need to attend the ceremony.
If the building in which the couple intend to marry is not registered
for the solemnisation of marriages, a civil ceremony must be
arranged beforehand to comply with the requirements of the law.
Buddhism
and divorce
Buddhism
holds great store in peace, and not causing harm to any other
living thing. Therefore it is held by most Buddhist groups that
if every form of reconciliation has failed, the couple should
be allowed to peacefully separate rather than cause any more
suffering. The couple are asked to take into consideration the
position and future of any children, so as not to cause them
unnecessary suffering.
Preparations
for a Buddhist Wedding
It
is traditional in some communities on the morning of their wedding
for the bride and groom to visit a monk who has taken a vow
of poverty and give him food in return for his blessing.
As
in Ceremonies: Greek Orthodox Greek Orthodox culture, the bed
has significance and an older couple may sometimes be called
on to prepare the bridal bed and decorate it with lucky talismans
such as bags of rice, sesame seeds, coins and, in more rural
communities, a tomcat. These symbolise fertility and happiness.
A
Typical Wedding Ceremony
There
is no specific marriage ritual established in the Buddhist religion.
Historically, marriage was a secular observance, but modern
Buddhists have developed services for those who wish to marry
in the eyes of their religion. In the past it was customary
that monks were invited by the couple and their families to
chant sutras (classic Buddhist literature) after the secular
civil or home ceremony, and, through the passing of time, this
has developed into the marriage ceremonies used today. These
ceremonies are not standard for all Buddhists, as Buddhism embraces
a variety of groups with differing traditions.
The
wedding ceremony explained below is the service developed by
The International Buddhist Institute of Hawaii. Many sects use
this version, which includes the bride and groom exchanging
vows, the signing of a register, the issue of a marriage certificate
and sometimes an exchange of rings. The wedding can take place
during a Buddhist meeting, but more recently it has been normal
for a separate ceremony to be held.
The
service begins with chanting:
Namo
Tassa Bhagavato Arahato Samma Sambuddhassa.
Reply:
Homage to Him, the Exalted One, the Supremely Awakened One.
Priest:
May the wisdom of the Blessed One shine within our hearts, so
that the mists of error and the foolish vanity of self may be
dispelled. So shall we understand the changing nature of this
life and strive to reach that spiritual peace which the Buddha
taught. Friends, we are met together today in the presence of
this congregation, and in the sight of the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas,
to witness the vows of x and x. I earnestly ask anyone who knows
of any impediment to this marriage to make it known now, or
else remain silent.
The
priest then addresses the couple and says: Before taking
of yourselves these vows, remember that it is the duty of the
husband to support and cherish his wife, to be faithful to her,
to comfort her in sickness or sorrow, and to assist in bringing
up the children. It is the duty of the wife to love and help
her husband, to be patient and gentle in her manner, and to
be faithful to him always.
The
priest asks the woman: Will you take this man to be your
lawful husband and remain faithful to him always?
Her
reply: I will.
The
priest then asks the man: Will you take this woman to be
your lawful wife, and remain faithful to her always?
His
reply: I will.
Priest:
Will you both undertake to sustain one another in sickness or
in health, in happiness or in sorrow, and cherish one another
at all times?
They
reply: We will.
If
an exchange of rings is to take place, the following will be
spoken:
Priest
to each in turn: I give you this ring that you may place
it on the finger of this woman/man in token of your marriage
to her/him, and may its circle remind you both of those things
that are eternal.
The
priest follows this by joining the couples hands together by
placing a rosary (string of beads) round the wrists of their
right hands and says:
Brother
and sister, in the midst of worldly illusions with their fleeting
glamour, try to preserve in your hearts the truths taught by
the Buddha. Be compassionate to all, and set your feet on the
Path which leads from illusion and sorrow to Enlightenment and
Peace. Since you have both agreed to marry according to Buddhist
rite, I pronounce you to be husband and wife.
The
offering of lights will follow, and anyone who wishes to offer
incense to the couple is invited to do so.
After
this the Priest says: May the Blessed One receive you from
this day forth as his faithful disciples, who take His teaching
as your Guide. May peace be with you, and wisdom and compassion
surround you at all times.
Reply:
Namo Amida Buddha (three times) or Namo Buddhaya (three times).
The
five ways that a husband should minister to his wife are read
out to the couple as taken from the Duties of Husband and Wife
as described by the Buddha in the Sigalovada Sutta:
1.
By honour
2. By respect
3. By faithfulness
4. By handing over authority to her
5. By giving her adornments.
In
return for being cared for, a wife is compassionate to her husband:
1.
By doing her work well
2. By hospitality to her husband, relations and others
3. By faithfulness
4. By protecting what he earns
5. By skill and indulgence in all her duties.
The
marriage ceremony may conclude with chanting by the Community
of Monks, followed by meditation.
Other
Buddhist wedding ceremonies include the offering of flowers
to the Buddha, the lighting of candles. Some services ask that
the couple bow to each other in reply to hearing the pledges
asked of them, rather than saying I will.
Ceremonies
may include the couple chanting:
* The Three Refuges or Tisarana as they face the Buddha:
I take refuge in the Buddha (the ideal of Enlightenment).
I take refuge in the Dharma (the teachings and practices of
Buddhism).
I take refuge in the Sangha (the Buddhist community).
* The Five Precepts or Pañca Sila may also be chanted:
I undertake the precept to abstain from killing.
I undertake the precept to abstain from taking that which is
not given.
I undertake the precept to abstain from sexual misconduct.
I undertake the precept to abstain from false speech.
I undertake the precept to abstain from intoxicating drink and
drugs.
5.
Setting Up Your Buddhist Home
http://www.beliefnet.com/story/83/story_8335_1.html
What
newlywed Buddhist couples should have.
*
Small home altar
* Buddha statue (also, Tara, Kwan Yin or other Buddhist deity
statuary)
* Incense burner
* Offering bowls and small oil lamp (for Tibetan Buddhist altar)
* Thangkas (religious paintings; again, for Tibetan Buddhist
home)
* Meditation cushions or benches
* Copies of sacred texts in translation, such as the Dhammapada
or sutras
* Calligraphic scroll (for Zen Buddhist home)
* Brocade altar cloth (usually for Zen home altar)
* Small meditation gong with cushion and striker
6a.
Our Buddhist Wedding - Japan - Photo Album
http://community.webshots.com/album/100853095pywsnX
About
iamagoo
http://community.webshots.com/user/iamagoo
Greetings
from Japan. I am from Canada, but have been living in Japan
for 7 years (teaching English). All of these shots were taken
with a Fuji Finepix S602 camera. I appreciate any and all comments
in my guestbook. Thanks for looking!
Our
Buddhist Wedding
http://community.webshots.com/album/100853095pywsnX/1
This
album is comprised of shots taken at my wedding. Special thanks
go to my friend Matt who came to Japan for the occasion (with
Bob & MIke) and took these shots. The resolution is rather
low, but the excitement is high!
6b.
Our Buddhist Wedding - Thailand - Photo Album
http://langbridge.tripod.com/osweb/bkk1.htm
My
friend Mick (Anthony) married his wife Kannika in a Buddhist
ceremony, which started early in the morning;
The
bride's family prepared food for the Monks, which they ate before
the wedding.
The
wedding was then conducted in the house of the Head Monk (pictured
furthest from camera); there were 9 monks present at the wedding.
7.
It's Easier Than You Think ...by Sylvia Boorstein (Author)
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0062512943/wwwkusalaorg-20/
From
Library Journal - American Buddhist teacher Boorstein has
crafted a series of accessible lessons about engaging in the
Buddhist way of life. With graceful humor, Boorstein teaches
the insights of the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path
of Buddhism by drawing on examples from her own pilgrimage toward
the mindfulness wrought by Buddhist practice. A fine introduction
to Buddhism cast in the language of everyday experience. Highly
recommended.
Amazon.com
- Reviewer: A reader from MI USA... This is a great
book for people who turn to buddhism to help them cope with
life. I have found comfort and have often pulled my head out
of my "you know where" due to this book more so than
I have found in many years of therapy. I suffer from depression
at times and while I'm sure there is a physical reason I'm prone
to depression, I'm even more sure that my outlook on life contributes
to it more than any other single factor. The teachings of Buddha
are to me, more a philosophy rather than a religion. Life is
DIFFICULT. For EVERYONE. Accept it and learn not to cling to
things, people and dreams. A mind free of wants will be a peaceful
mind.
If
you are interested in learning about buddhism as a means of
learning to survive happily in this world, this is the book
for you. It is light, easy to understand and makes a lot of
sense.
Amazon.com
- Reviewer: A reader from Holbrook, Arizona USA...
My wife and I both read this and found it very worthwhile. I
have read a great deal of "heavier" Buddhist material
and almost think the word "Buddhist" in the title
is unfortunate because it may drive away some readers who would
profit from this book. It is really more "common sense"
than "Buddhist," and even a Bible-thumping fundamentalist
would enjoy it.
The
author's points are very similar to those of another American
Buddhist sage, Charlotte Joko Beck (check out her books as well).
The beauty of this book is it's brevity and simplicity. The
author basically takes you through her life experiences in short
chapters that flow quickly and make their points without preaching.
My wife, who has approximately zero interest in the teachings
of Buddha, nevertheless found this to be one of the most enjoyable
and practical books she has read in a long time. I can't imagine
anyone thinking that the couple of hours it takes to read this
was time wasted.
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