Benedict's Dharma 2
Day
3 - Thursday - May 1, 2003
Sister Mary (Meg) Margaret
SR.
MEG:
My presentation this morning will be on the monastic way of life. And
if you'll allow me to hint towards a comparison, my way of life is with
form in a monastery. As a layperson your monastic way of life is without
form in your marriage, in your home, in your workplace. And as Friends
of Benedict, we're both following the same Rule. What I thought I would
do is talk about how that Rule works in the monastic way of life, and
what is the place of the vows. If you don't take vows with form, what
are vows without form.
Another
way of introducing this would be to say, what people see of us is above
the river, they see me in the monastery at Beech Grove with a very set
life. You know, prayers, much like what you're doing this week, morning,
noon, evening prayer, Eucharist every day, common meals, common silence,
common work.
There
are other women's communities like the Trappistines that have more form;
nobody works outside the monastery. Whereas, in my house, we have 40-some
cars -- that may tell you something -- for 84 women. But we still have
much form.
Now
what do people do, when they do it is under the river. You and I both
know there are people that live in a monastery, but under the river
have lost the meaning or the intention of their practice. There are
people that live above the river but are intensely living a contemplative
way of life.
Let
me talk about what are we doing under the river when we live the monastic
way of life. I'm going to walk you through the door of conversatio morum,
conversion to the monastic way of life.
It's
C-O-N-V-E-R-S-A-T-I-O morum as opposed to conversio morum, C-O-N-V-E-R-S-I-O.
Conversio means you have a conversion, and then you change your life.
That works for about the first ten minutes, but you need an ongoing
conversion. That is where our practice comes in to sustain our conversion.
Our practice is to live life as a contemplative, as a monastic.
What
is that way of life? That way of life is living in a monastery, the
same monastery your whole life, under an abbot and the rule.
Let
me first take on the vow of stability. Benedict in the first chapter
talked about various kinds of monks. I think if he were sitting here
today, he would say there is a fifth kind of monk, and it would be the
Friends of Benedict.
The
first kind was hermits, and most of us are not hermits.
The
second kind are wandering monks that go from place to place. He was
critical of them, he felt they had lost their fervor and had no accountability.
A
third kind were monks that cluster together, like-minded souls, but
they bound together in tepidity. They were folks that followed their
own will.
He
said he was writing this rule for cenobites, cenobitic monks who lived
in common, lived in common under an abbot. This kind of common life
in the Christian tradition is essential because the Christian way is
ecclesial. Breaking bread together at the table is as important symbol
of unity as is the word of God in scripture, or as is even Christ himself.
Christ
gathered people and considered his way the way of people, the way of
ecclesial people dedicated to following his way of life to the Father.
___So,
being in community is not optional.___
So,
being in community is not optional. It is constitutive; it's part of
being a Christian.
Should
you be a hermit, you would still do it in the name of all Christians
and be doing it for the sake of all Christians. No one ever can isolate
themselves from the community.
The
first form is stability. You'll have to translate that for yourself,
but it does have something to do with place. It's not just time. It
does mean your feet have to be on the ground someplace. It is where
you are.
Benedict
was very critical of people always being someplace else and never being
rooted where they are. So, place is first.
For
me, over these many years of being in the same place, the benefit is
this ongoing conversion, because they've watched me grow up in my community,
and they've called me forth, and they've held me when I've had some
harder years.
The
second part of this is to be under an abbot, under someone you have
given permission to call you to accountability, someone whom you are
obedient to. Many writers say that Benedict's main vow was obedience.
We
don't take a vow of celibacy, nor do we take a vow of poverty. But this
obedience to the abbot has in it all the prescriptions of our goods
and our body and our way of life. So, obedience is a sine qua non, which
means that without which it would not be. So, obedience is essential.
My
obedience is expressed to my prioress, Sr. Carol, we meet on a monthly
basis, and I bring to her my accountability. I have a calendar, and
I have a list of permissions I need, and I have a list of things that
I'm always accountable for: My finances, money that has come in, the
gifts I've given or gotten.
Before
I go into things, I want to talk about this relationship with somebody
whom you give authority to. It's very similar I think to marriage because
you are doing it together, and you are no longer a free agent. You are
in relationship for life. Some people do it through prayer, but there
is a need as humans to be accountable and to give permission.
___Some
people do it through prayer___
Do
you have too much? Too little?
This
accountability and obedience is a way to listen. I'm accountable to
my sisters in community. I listen to them, and they listen to me. It's
can be as a group in our chapter meetings. There is much to learn in
a group, and there is much to learn individually with my sisters.
I
would say over the years what I've learned is to love them, especially
the older ones. They are just so wise, and they've become so human,
and so dear.
I
watch the younger ones come in, and it takes them a while to realize
that we're not caring for the older sisters. Truly it's inter-generational
living. We are not just sitting at that table to help somebody. It's
a mutual assistance, and everyone is a peer, there is no one better
than or more than. We certainly are all unique, but we live in community.
So,
obedience is mutual, it's individual, and there is a total willingness
to live with accountability.
I'm
accountable for my things, here is where the vow of poverty comes in.
I've taken a vow of total renunciation, which means not to own anything,
and not to even have the possibility of owning anything. Should I inherit
something, it would immediately go to the monastery. This vow of total
renunciation means that everything is for my use, but I own nothing
because I've renounced owning, I only want God. For the sake of God,
it's easier to live without things.
How
do I get things? How do I use things? I use them with permission. So,
that brings me back to obedience.
Obedience
is the way in which I get authorized to have a musical instrument. Believe
it or not, I just got this one. (Indicating her flute.) Isn't it a honey?
This is from Israel. It's rosewood, and it's the best one I've ever
had. I haven't even broken it in yet.
But
I couldn't use it without having the blessing of obedience, because
it's not really mine. I don't want my things because then my intention
starts returning back to me, and I'm in a vowed life, a monastic way
of life. If I keep grasping and taking it back, it takes me away from
my renunciation, I need permission to use things.
The
five ways of using things: I get permission to use things. I have no
entitlement coming to me in the future. I renounce anything in the past
that I have had or could have had. Any thoughts of either future things
or past things, I renounce. I also renounce anything that I have that
I may have needed in previous work but don't need any longer. I hand
those in. I turn them in for the common good of community.
I
think the fifth thing is to use things as the blessings of the altar.
I'm going to stop here and say that the actual living of the monastic
way of life under the river is really a ritual. It's a ritual action.
I believe literally that my prioress is as if Christ. So, when I go
in to her and ask her for the things that I use, I'm asking Christ.
When
I'm playing with things, I'm playing like I would in church. When I
walk into the refectory I bow and I sit down, it's as if I'm up in chapel
at the Eucharist. When I'm up at Eucharist, I'm as if I'm with the community
of other believers; that they are Christ; the priest is Christ. There
is nothing other than Christ for my consciousness.
When
I start thinking, feeling sorry for myself, getting into fatigue, depression,
whatever, I return to the ritual. The ritual brings me out of it.
It
took me about 30 years to really get into my bone marrow, when I'm in
the world it's the same. I see no difference eating with you in your
refectory than I do in mine. I see no difference playing this tune here
for you as I would at the monastery chapel. I see no difference picking
flowers with Jane as I would picking them at home.
___The
ritual, then, makes the work your prayer, and your prayer the work.___
The
ritual, then, makes the work your prayer, and your prayer the work.
That's why it's so important to punctuate our life with this prayer
of the Psalms, washing over three times a day. It anoints the ceaseless
prayer that's going on in my heart all the time.
I'm going to take on, though, chastity. How does that play itself out
under the river. Well, I am a celibate nun, and that means I made a
choice with my sexuality.
Many
people are continent, which means just no sex. That means they just
don't have the opportunity to have sex, or sex isn't what they are into
right now. A lot of people are continent. But at some point in our life
we are called from the inside, to make a choice about our sexuality,
either toward marriage, monastic life, or single life. That choice governs
our vocation, what we do with our bodies. I chose to be a celibate monastic,
that was the easy part. I did that in 1961.
The
harder part is the choice to be chaste. Chaste covers my thoughts, and
that means I have to be chaste in thought, word, and deed, but it starts
in my heart, and then my mind. When the sexual thoughts and energies
rise, I have to dash them against my spouse, Christ, and say, "Here.
I'm just feeling my woman's feelings. Take them, just take them. You
gave them to me. Help me use them in the service of Apostolic love."
There
is no alternative for me to express my physical sexuality either in
friendship, or in homosexual, or heterosexual ways. Maybe a light love
of affection, but absolutely no sexual innuendo or sexual direction.
The
sexual urges are very strong. In fact, they are stronger in a monastic
celibate because we've refrained, sometimes we're surprised by our energies.
The young nuns, wow, you should see, they are so surprised, and some
of the older nuns, too.
You
know, we have a facility at the Hermitage which is 120 lay elderly people
that we serve. And when our sisters can no longer serve -- fourteen
of us work over there, it's like an extension of our monastery. Once
in a while we'll have some sisters there, and they'll share a room,
let's say, with a lay person. They can actually fall in love with the
person because they've never been with a lay person. They don't understand
their feelings, or where they came from.
Believe
me, if you are thinking sexual desire dies, it never dies. That's what
I'm learning. I've gotten used to just expecting it.
___Benedict
had a lot of teaching about being celibate___
Benedict
had a lot of teaching about being celibate, he said to love chastity.
In other words, not to resist it, but to embrace it as a way. If we
had time, there is much teaching about celibacy and chastity in the
teachings of Benedict, and John Cassian, but I'm only going to raise
one for our consideration today, and it is for the Friends of Benedict
who live below the river, if you keep a celibate married life or a celibate
single life, your energies will return back through your body system,
and you'll see clearly with your eyes. And your skin will be clear,
too.
Believe
it or not, there is a physiological benefit to being celibate, I've
been saying to my married celibate friends -- and I have many in direction
-- I see the same thing in them as I do in myself. What you do is you
channel all your sexual energy to your partner, and then the rest of
the time you practice renunciation. Any time you think of another mate
or another temptation, you have to resist that and return it only to
your partner. I'm returning it to my way of life and I get this inner
strength, this inner clarity. It's very powerful way of contemplation.
Under
the river we're practicing stability. We're practicing obedience. We're
practicing poverty, poverty meaning the right to use things: Not too
much, not to little, not too high of things, not too low of things,
not too sparse. Again, in my book, 'Thoughts Matter,' I go into those
teachings..
Then
there is celibacy. We practice living a celibate life with a chaste
mind and a chaste heart. Celibacy is our choice, but our thoughts are
governed by chastity.
I'm
going to conclude here with another little song of Mary. I just love
this one. You know when you don't find things, sometimes something else
is better.
Mary
was the way for us. She was a normal woman who had a child and followed
Christ through the cross and is still available to us, all we have to
do is ask her for her presence. When I saw the flowers this morning,
there she was.
So,
I'll conclude this part, and then Kusala has a presentation on the five
precepts, and then we'll talk about our disciplines and our way of life.
("Ave
Maria" played by Sr. Meg.)
(Applause.)
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